I’m currently battling feline-death-paranoia. Honestly, it’s not a medical diagnosis or a mental diagnosis, but it’s my personal realization that having both Jasper and HillTopper pass so quickly has created a huge fear that it could happen again.
What does this mean? It means that I often disrupt RockyTop & BlackTop while they nap IF I can’t see their body moving with their breathing. First, I gaze at them, then…I’ll yell their name until I get a movement from their body. No wonder they’re always wanting to nap! It doesn’t stop there. If I go a while without seeing one of them, I will find myself making a lap around the house until I find the (normally napping) cat who is ignoring my pleas for “here kitty kitty kitty” to come.
Today, as I realized Rocky was napping on my legs and Blackie could not be located, I got up and went on a lap. Fear and dread filled me as I turned the corner in the kitchen where I had found Topper last month. My heart leapt to my throat as I found Blackie laying in the same exact spot perpendicular to how Topper was found. Only Blackie’s taile was twitching this way and that. He looked at me as if saying, “I’m just taking a rest. This looked like a great spot. It’s halfway between my food bowl and litter box.”
Later as I went out to finish washing dishes, I again saw Rocky but Blackie was out of sight. Again, I went in search….All through the house I looked & called his name. Finally I found him laying parallel to the shoe rack in the dark bedroom. His dark fur makes him harder to locate in unlit rooms. He was laying with his paws outstretched and eyes opened. My heart sank. I yelled his name, and his tail switched and his meow sounded.
By this point, my heart rate was elevated, and I grasped how much my paranoia had developed into full-fledged-fear. This saddened me. I mean, I don’t like fear having a hold on me. During tornado warnings, I’m rarely phased. I pray for safety and prep my mattress. Why in the world am I allowing this fear to takeover? Then, it occurred to me. I’m a feline-loving-female. I have no children or spouse. My kittens are the ones who anxiously await my arrival in the evening or react when they hear my alarm go off. They’re the reason I opted to make tuna salad instead of a bowl of cereal for supper because I knew they’d get great joy from “tuna water”.
In the end, I realize it’s my love of my kittens that fuel my fear. But….it’s my love of the One who created me that can overcome it and give me peace.
He can overcome your fears too. However big or small. He cares about them all. He knows the number of hairs on your head, so He most certainly knows each worry on your heart. Place them at His feet and let Him give you a peace that surpasses understanding. It’s the PURRfect place for your fears….and mine as well.