To be honest, that’s most of the lyrics I know to the popular song. Then, the line “‘Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.” Yep. That’s all I know. I’m sure it won’t surprise anyone who knows me that Beyonce isn’t my usual music choice. Contemporary Christian and country are generally the only genres I listen to. But…this catchy tune…has two lines that stick in my head.
At fifty and “still single” rather than “single again” like many, I’ve thought a lot about singleness and relationships. I’ve sat through sermon series on marriage and relationships that number too many to count with both hands. I’ve seen marriages crumble, but I’ve also witnessed marriages on the brink of destruction flourish and develop stronger than could be imagined. I’ve seen friends change their lives to the point that they seemed like the man in their life had become the sun in their solar system. When the marriage died, I wondered how they were able to regain their focus.
So, along the way of these thirty years when I’d love to have a solid Christian man find me as his treasure, I’ve gained insight. This wisdom isn’t from experience but rather from inferring from the pain and pleasure of dear friends. I hope these bits of truth may help you if you are single….single again…or single still.
This one should seem obvious, but sometimes it’s a hard truth to swallow. It takes next to no time to send a “good morning” text, “good night” message, or simply an emoji to let you know you’re in their thoughts. If he doesn’t have time for that, he may just not be interested in you for the same purpose you are. You may be dreaming of love and romance while he just wants someone to fill an evening. Value yourself. You are the daughter of a King.
In “Jerry Maguire”, one of my favorite lines was “You complete me.” As romantic as that seems in a rom-com, no one can complete you. Your worth comes from the One who created you. Don’t look to another person for your worth or to make you whole. You are whole! You are wholly loved by the One who died for you. However, I believe it’s perfectly acceptable to hope to find someone who accepts you completely with all your quirks. Perhaps that’s why I’m still single? I have plenty of quirks! Ha.
I’ve had many friends go through divorce. Some of them initiated the act. Some had spouses who decided to end the marriage. Either way, I’ve seen the pain left behind. Yet, I’ve also seen some go through the pain of a marriage ending, the agony of the family unit being skewed, the self-doubt of questioning everything leading up to the divorce, and then witnessed the healing take place. Yes, I’ve seen the “joy in the morning.” It hasn’t happened in each case, but a few of my friends have risen from the ashes of an ended marriage to metamorphose into an amazingly beautiful or gentlemanly butterfly. I’ve seen how the One who hates divorce will take the child who has lived through the event and transform him/her into a joyful servant of the King. It’s as if through the pain of losing who they were in the marriage they find who they are in Christ. Granted, divorce is not the goal, but God can use the broken for His glory.
You are worth it! Remember that. I need to remember that as well. If you have to fight for someone’s time and attention, is it really the person who deserves you? If you’re like me, you may have been blessed with a keen imagination who dreams of “what if” this person or that person actually saw the treasure that you are? Well, if he’s really the prince that deserves you, you wouldn’t have to imagine. He would show you in his words and actions that you matter. Don’t settle for less than God has in store for you.
Fellow daughters of the King of Kings, in this world of social media, online dating, and all the other bells-and-whistles of modern connections, don’t rush. Take your time. If he is willing to also give his time to you, then perhaps he’s worth the risk. Don’t rush, my sister, and pray for His wisdom and discernment.
So, in the end, I really have no great revelation for you as you seek love, romance, marriage, or a peace about the single life. Each of those have been my heart’s cry at some point. To be honest, some months I’ve gone through all of those as my focus. In the end, I want to be who God has created me to be.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I know who holds it in His hands. The One I call Lord knew my days before a single one took place. I’m thankful that my faith tells me that He knows my path even when I am clueless. I know that my worth comes from Him. I also know that Paul proclaimed singleness as a gift. I’ve laughed at times and thought, “Yep, the gift that no one really wants just like a fruit cake at Christmas.” If it’s the gift He has planned for me, I hope I accept it with as much genuine appreciation as I would if one of my students gave me a fruit cake at Christmas because whatever gift a student gives always makes my heart smile.
In conclusion, remember…you don’t have to be half of a couple to matter! You are a treasure! You can make an impact wherever He has planted you…even if you’re the only flower in the garden.
Jodi Lea Pflaumer, Author 