I haven’t written for a while. Figured I should. I’ve tried a few times, but my focus has been frazzled. I always try to focus on the positive side of life and to find the good. In the end, I’m sure this post will do likewise. However, it may take a bit to get there.

Sometimes, things build up. Like dominoes being set up on a table. One at a time. You think you’re doing pretty well with it, but then…somebody or something jars the table. The dominoes fall. And…tears fall.
That is an analogy of my life or maybe just my mindset. Maybe I’m just looking for the good so much that I have failed to address the not-so-good. I don’t know.

Church life is good. I love my church family. I’m amazed weekly at how God took two church families “looking for something” and brought us together as “one family”. He is good. Plus, God has blessed the elementary ministry team with more volunteers. Now, we only have to miss the pastor’s message and teach the kids about twice in three months. When I think back to the spring when I was teaching 2-3 times a month, I know how much of an answer to prayer that is. In fact, just this past week, someone volunteered to be “a helper”. This is great since the last person who volunteered to teach also volunteered her husband to be her helper…and once was enough for him. LOL. I mean…if you know…you know. So, I told the newest addition to our ministry team that she literally was an answer to prayer.
As I’ve shared in previous posts, I was asked back in June to return to 3rd grade. I always loved teaching third grade (I did so for 24 years) and one of my closest colleagues is on the 3rd grade team. Our team of six has gelled perfectly. Melissa leads us curriculum-wise since she’s been in 3rd grade for the past five years while I was in 4th. I help as I can by being “the old wise one” – LOL. Honestly, in my 30 years of teaching, this team may be one of my favorite combos of personalities. It’ll only last 1 year – as we know in the spring we’ll get downsized to 4 teachers, so I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

You would think…with those two areas of my life on point…the rest would be fine. However, a lot more goes into teaching then the people who make your teaching team. Even though I thought I was a decent teacher…even so much as a good teacher…I mean…all my teaching evaluations say that as well as conversations with past-admin and parents of students and former students….my classroom doesn’t seem like my classroom this year. The mandates delivered to us and various aspects of my daily/weekly teaching tasks…seem more like I’m a computer programmed than a professional teaching how I think things should go. It’s hard. I teach what I’m told to teach. It has been placing one domino after another. And with each decree, mandate, or hoop that I must jump through…the table is bumped. So randomly…for no other reason the high stress and shot nerves cause the dominoes to falter & the tears fall. THAT is not me.

The truth is — I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’ve had many chats with other teachers who have taught decades…and we miss being able to teach how we feel is best. In the end, I try to focus on my kids.
They…are my good. Even when they make bad choices. Even when the academic needs seem to be too great for me to address well. Yes, if I’m looking for the good….it’s the 18 students who spend all day with me and the 2 who spend part of the day with me.
It’s the kids who pushes my buttons, the kid who hates school, the kids who think I’m a good writer, the kids whose parent or sibling was in my class, the kids whose grandma went to high school with me, the kid whose parents are my colleagues, the kids who smiles daily, the kids who always has a story, the kids who applaud when it’s time for “Rock N Read”. The kids. They’re the good.
They’re the reason that I will work on dealing with my stress levels to try and calm my shot nerves. They’re the reason that…regardless of another mandate coming down or another independence taken away, I will keep at it. They’re my good. God placed them in my room for this year for a reason.
I’m going through this struggle and trust that in the end…I will see the purpose. I will see how He uses it for my good. I may not see it yet….but I trust that I will. He is faithful…even when the dominoes…or tears…fall.
So, just like Jesus…I’ll look at the Word of God to help me get through. In the writing of this blog, I was reminded of some truths to meditate on during those times of stress and tears. Perhaps you may benefit from them as well….









