Tag: family

The Dash-Part We Shared

My original plan was to write about the sequel to my years in 3rd grade which began this past week. However, that has to wait for another day. Why? A dear friend passed away late last Saturday night. This week, her family prepared for the visitation, funeral, and burial which happened this afternoon. She’s been heavy in my thoughts around my teaching duties, so I thought I’d share those thoughts with you.

Last night, before I went to sleep, I changed my profile pic on FB to a picture of me and Betty. This morning, I added a caption. It mentioned that today we were celebrating who she was and what she did during her “dash”

Betty lived a long life of 88 years. She was born in 1937 and she passed in 2025. So, 1937-2025. That’s a fact. But…what matters is the dash. Then, as God does things, her grandson, Josh, actually read a poem entitled “The Dash.”

This morning, I told myself that if they opened it up for friends to share that I would. However, all the things I would’ve shared were shared either by her children or the pastor. As I drove away from the funeral, the part of “her dash” I shared rolled through my memories like one of those recaps in a television series going off the air. So, to honor Ms. Betty, here are the “scenes” that rolled through my memories.

The first scene was on July 3, 2022. I was invited to a holiday cook-out, and I met Betty and her son at his house to catch a ride to her daughter’s house. Tammy goes to church with me, so I had inferred that it was a large holiday gathering. As Joe drove out to Tammy’s, Betty apologized for sitting in the front seat to which I said, “No worries, I’m ‘good in the backseat.” Yep. That came out wrong. The three of us had a nice chuckle over that one. Soon, I found out it was a family cook-out, and I was the only non-family person in attendance.

Later that fall, Betty ended up in the ER and then the hospital. That visit prompted her entry into Hickory Creek. Understandably, that decision was hard on the family, and it started my real friendship with Ms. Betty. I started visiting her each Tuesday after school. We’d talk in her room while watching Fox News, and then I’d push her to the dining room. There, I’d sit and visit with Betty and the three other ladies at her table.

On Thanksgiving, I was invited to join their family for their meal. My family’s meal wasn’t until Friday, so it was easy to do. Again, I met Joe at his house, but he had forgotten something that he needed to take to Tammy’s house. We quickly stopped by Betty’s house to grab it before picking Betty up. Due to the extra stop, we were later than she expected. She looked at me and said, “I figured you were the reason he was late.” Well, I wasn’t, but…oh well. LOL

That day, I laughed a lot. I laughed to the point my stomach hurt. Why? We played euchre. Josh and I were partners, and we played against Joe & Betty. Oh. My. Word. The verbal sparring that went back and forth between them each time Josh or I got the play was too funny. I silently vowed to myself that day to always partner with Josh in order to enjoy the entertaining dialogue between mother and son.

Skip ahead to Christmas Break. As a teacher, I had some freedom. So, I made a point of going to Hickory to attend an “Elvis Concert” with Betty. Oh. My. Goodness. This lady LOVED Elvis and his music. It didn’t matter that he was in impersonator, she was whooping and hollering. There was no surprise when “Elvis” came over and gave her his first “scarf”. She proudly displayed it on the bulletin board in her room.

It was during Christmas break that I was introduced to the Tuesday morning Bible study. One of her table mates led the study, so I told the ladies that I would join them during my break. I’d go early enough to encourage Betty to get up if she was still in bed, then we’d go to the study. When Ms. Kathy finished leading the study, we’d use YouTube on the television to sing old hymns. The two favorites were….Amazing Grace and I’ll Fly Away.

Plus, since my family gathered on the evening of Christmas, I joined Tammy & Joe’s family for Christmas Day lunch. I brought small gifts for the whole crew, and I may have been most excited about the hat I found at Gabe’s. At that point, Betty, whose career was being a beautician, often donned a hat.

During spring break of 2023, two things happened to make a Betty memory. The first was that the activity director was on vacation, so I had made plans to go and do a craft with the residents. Often when I was there during craft sessions, she would decide that a craft went to Joe or Tammy, or sometimes it would be for Joey and Jacob.

That week was also the week of St. Patrick’s Day. That meant that it was Ms. Betty’s birthday. It also happened to be the return of Tammy & Cliff from their trip to Hawaii. The birthday meal was scheduled for Tammy’s that evening, so I volunteered to deliver the St. Patrick’s Day/Birthday cupcakes for the residents. Betty convinced me to stay for the craft time where we made crowns. I told her it seemed perfect for her to make a crown for her birthday. Then, off to their family birthday gathering where I took pics of Betty and her family, and Tammy snapped one that included me.

In May of 2023, I stopped by on the last day of school. She wanted to go for a walk on the grounds, so out we went. We decided it was hot and hard to keep our eyes open with the warm breeze, so our time outside didn’t last long.

Later in the fall of 2023, I threw Joe a surprise party for his 60th. Tammy made sure that Betty attended. She had such a good time spending time celebrating with their family and Joe’s friends.

Time passed and my weekly visits with Ms. Betty continued. I shared a few more holidays with her family. My final two were celebrating her birthday in 2024 at Harry’s Stone Grill and then Cliff’s at his & Tammy’s house. However, my friendship with Betty continued with weekly visits through the summer – most were on Tuesdays during their Bible study and lunch time. However, it was a Monday that had me spending part of my birthday with her as she wanted me to come to a special event. I believe the singer’s name was Michael, and we sang along to any of the songs we knew.

My visits ended in the fall of 2024. Not because my family connection had faded, as I’m still friends with all of them. But, the sadness of dementia had taken me from her memory. There were occasions when I’d arrive and she’d speak to me like she knew me, but…we’d get to the dining room and she’d leave…not “knowing” who I was or that I was there to spend time with her. It seemed my visits triggered more confusion than joy, so I told Tammy that I had stopped them…unless Ms. Betty mentioned me. Alas, that didn’t happen.

Regardless of the ten months that had passed since spending time with her 1-1, my heart hurt when I heard of her trip to the ER a few weeks ago. My heart broke for her family two weeks ago when I learned she’d transitioned to Hospice care. Then, last Sunday morning, I received a message from a friend who heard from Joe’s friends that Ms. Betty had passed the night before. I shed tears, but I also rejoiced.

What? Tears and rejoicing? That makes no sense. Ahhh, but it does if you know of Betty’s faith. It does if you know that last Saturday night her dementia had passed and she was made new. Oh, sweet Jesus, our masterful Savior. Thank you for the dash of Betty McCord. May her legacy be the montage of memories and lessons that she left in the hearts of all who crossed her path.

How’s your dash? Is it worth remembering? If not, it’s not too late to ask the One who was with Betty on her journey here and hereafter to guide your steps to bring Him glory as well.

Live well, my friends, and hug your family close & let them know they matter. Whether they’re your family by birth or by faith.

Dad’s 4-Point Life Sermon

Today, we buried my father. It was hard. It was emotional. It was a blessing. It was a gift. How can one day that is so sad be all those things?

It was hard because regardless of your age…and the health of a parent…you’re never “ready” to say the final earthly good-bye.

It was emotional because…he’s my dad. He loved me. He made me laugh. He frustrated me. He was proud of me. I love him. I have episodes of tears and emotional breakdowns, but thankfully….those are most often when it’s just me & God….or me, God, and my cats.

It was a blessing because SO many people took time to let Mom and us know how much they respected and/or loved Dad. People from all four of our churches came to both the visitation and funeral. People who worked with me, my sister, my mom, and my dad at some point in time stopped by to give us a hug and offer a kind word. The love of others is certainly a blessing.

It was a gift. That one will be explained by the end of today’s blog post

As an almost 55-year-old, I have been at many funerals. I’m always touched when one of the children of the person share the eulogy. So, when Dad’s life on earth ended on May 28th, at 7:28 AM, I started pondering what should be shared. Immediately a 4-point eulogy came to mind with a Facebook thread weaving it together. I thought I’d simply share my eulogistic essay that I read this morning during Dad’s funeral.

Good morning, I’m Jodi-the youngest of the “Pflaumer Girls.” If you know Jerry, and I’m guessing you do since you made the time to join us today, then you know at least these four things about him.

You know he loved his country, his family, his wife, & his Savior.

If you do social media and are Facebook friends with Jerry, then you have seen post after post of evidence of those four things.  You also may have noticed that his posts had decreased in recent months and ended on May 21st.  For several of you, that was probably a sign that something was happening. To those of you who have shared thoughts of condolences & encouragement, we thank you for the kind comments you have shared on this avenue of communication that Dad took to like a fish takes to water…a  fish with very strong opinions on life, love, and …pretty much everything.…I’ve added some  of those comments shared  to the thoughts that I’m sharing today.

Let’s start with his love of his country and his patriotism.  Dad served in the Indiana Army National Guard and served as Military Police.  He was quite proud of that alliance.  As you can see from the color scheme, he loved his country.  He would proudly proclaim his views on any topic thrown at him.  He may not have always done it as tactfully as we would’ve liked, but he was who he was.  He was a man of strong opinions and convictions.  He shared them.  He proclaimed them.  He was thankful to be an American. 

That’s the reason the song that just played was picked.  Back when we lived in Shelbyville, Dad was the song leader of Calvary Baptist where we attended.  The church would have song nights, and our family of 5 would always sing.  Sometimes, we’d sing “Rock of Ages”, but we would ALWAYS sing “I Am Thankful to Be an American,” and it became dubbed as “The Pflaumer’s Song”.

Next, we’ll move to his love for his family.  His sister, Nancy,  who was “the chosen one” as he referred to her since his parents adopted her as a baby may live miles away in Maryland, but through phone calls and…Facebook, they were still close.  Her career as a nurse also helped when Mom & Dad were trying to make decisions about health issues.  

He was a proud and loving father.  Dianna wanted to share a story from our childhood.  Both Mom and Dad worked, so the three of us would be home after school for a bit until they got off work.  One afternoon, in the midst of a tornado watch, Dianna was attempting to supervise two crying sisters.  So what do you do when you’re scared?  You call your dad.  So, she called Dad, and he left work, came to pick us up, and took us back to Danners with him. 

As many of you know, back in 2020, Covid started battling Dianna.  Dad rallied his Facebook Friends and church family and anyone he communicated with via email….and had them praying.       

                                                                                                                                          

Sherry was his “athletic daughter” as he would point out.  During high school, he’d cheer and help at her track and cross country meets.  Ever proud of her determination and shared with many people when her cross country team made it to the state finals that year.

About 30 years later, Sherry was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  Our family changed directions in our fundraising efforts.  Our prior work for Relay for Life switched to the MS Walk.  Dad was the lead fundraiser on our team…Sherry’s Steppers. He hated not being at the walk this year, but he still sent out fundraising letters to some of his donors while giving Sherry the addresses to the others.  Just a reminder that he would do what he could to help us even as his health was declining.  He might gripe a bit here and there, but we knew he’d be there if he could.  

As for me, the ‘baby’ of the family, he LOVED giving me a hard time about being “spoiled” by Mom.  Then, when I became a teacher and Mom would go help me set up my room after she retired, Dad made sure I knew that he was able to “help to”.  That was the year that he started checking my pens, markers, glue bottles, and sharpening pencils.  

However, when his one and only grandson came along, he really hit the zone.  Back when Connor was little, both Dad and Connor’s papaw would both “baby sit” Connor while Sherry & Matt worked.  Connor shared that during those times of Pap babysitting that he would take Connor off to Mike’s Grill to eat breakfast with the ROMEOs.  Retired Old Men Eating Out.  Whether it was t-ball or Rebel Varsity baseball, he proudly wore his “Connor’s Pap” shirt and yelled…and took pictures…to post on Facebook.

His annual Connor Tie for Christmas from the Stewarts was always photographed for all to see.  Sarah, Connor’s wife, even made the tie he received in 2024. In the words of my friend, Melissa, “Your father was a model for all in loving and caring for his family. “

But…let’s face it.  As good of a brother and father and Pap as he was, his world was our mother.  That’s how he started checking those markers in my classroom, because he always wanted to be where she was.  He’d surprise her with gifts.  Most recently buying her a peace lily because A. he knew she loved them, and B. it was a gift of gratitude for her extra nursing skills that she’s been using the first half of this year.  He was all about loving mom and making sure everyone knew how blessed and thankful he was for her.  He would joke that “she’s the boss”  – even telling the paramedic that on Tuesday morning, but he loved her.  And…if you’re on Facebook, then you’ve seen pictures of their romance and relationship all through the years.  He’d often start a Facebook countdown in the summer proclaiming how many months, weeks, and days until it was their next anniversary.

 

For the record, they met on March 31, 1964.  He gave her a diamond on June 5, 1964.  They married on September 20, 1964.  They were married 60 ½ years and not many are that blessed anymore it seems. 

Of course, one of his favorite pictures of them was when they were in Springfield, IL, back on their 50th Anniversary trip where he FINALLY got down on his knee and proposed….because as they would laugh telling the story that neither of them ever remember Dad proposing.  Regardless, I suppose the diamond ring was an implied proposal. As our friend Lora posted, “I loved to see his posts about your mom.  He loved her so much!”  We have no doubt he will be waiting for her when it’s her time – hopefully in the distant future – to join him. For now, Mom, cling to the words of Isaiah 41:10 that tells us, “Do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” 

But…in the end, the relationship that matters the most was the one that started before he joined the military, got married, had children, and became a pap.  That was the relationship he had with the One He called Lord.  As Kyleen shared, “Your dad was a wonderful man of faith, with a loving, giving heart.  He will be missed in our community. Dad accepted Christ as his Savior in elementary school.  It was through his relationship with Mom that she accepted Christ on July 5, 1964 (one year before Dianna was born) and baptized on August 30, 1964 (3 years before Sherry was born). The three of us were raised going to church.  Dianna accepted Christ when we lived in Lawrenceburg & she was 7 years old. Sherry did likewise while living in Tipton when she was 6 years old.  Then, back when I was in 3rd grade living in Shelbyville, I recall Dad sharing the gospel with me just like churches often do in VBS.   He sat beside me and explained that I first needed to Admit that I was a sinner and do things that displease God, then I needed to Believe that Jesus was the Son of God, that He died for those sins, and that He rose again.  Finally, he said the next step was to Confess my faith in Jesus as my Savior & Lord.  

It wasn’t just his kids though, when we first moved to Madison and attended Calvary, he and Mom worked with the kids and later he would continue to work with kids as they memorized the books of the Bible.  As Becky wrote, “Your parents have always held a special place in my heart!  I always remember your dad helping me learn Bible verses and studying so hard to get them down pat.  He was a wonderful man!” In fact, some may have been concerned about the current church decor, but we found joy in it.  Many decades ago, when we all attended Calvary, Dad would work his schedule so that he could drive the church van to pick kids up for Bible school.  During his years being a member here at Cornerstone, he would often share the link to the church VBS.  He may not have been physically helping to lead it, but he wanted to make sure area kids knew it was happening. 

 Besides ministering to kids and serving as a deacon, he and Mom started a card ministry at both of the Jefferson County churches they have attended.  Sending cards to missionaries, military, college kids, shut-ins…anybody he thought needed a card.  One of those recipients was Taleen Jackson – who also was one of the kids who learned the books of the Bible through his ministry at Calvary – shared this, “I don’t even have the words to express how much he impacted my life through his support whether it was from church activities or the dozens of cards supporting our military family.”  And then Thomas shared, “Currently in the military, this gentleman consistently sent letters for years.  Wish he knew the impact, very grateful and gone too soon.”

So, I can think of no better way than this to end a tribute to our father, Jerry Lee Pflaumer.  JC Kimmer, who is serving God in Africa with his family, shared, “ Your father’s love for your mom and family was inspiring.  His thoughtfulness towards others will always be remembered.  We mourn with you today, but we do so with the unshakable hope for the resurrection when all things will be made new.” 

So, our dear friends, Jerry’s family wants to remind you of his lessons.  Love your country and be thankful for your freedom.  Cherish your family-never take them for granted.  Adore your spouse & tell the world how blessed you are. And ….if you don’t know Jesus Christ, as your personal Savior & Lord… Pastor Mike Johnson or Pastor Brynen Chitwood would be honored to take Dad’s place and share the ABCs with you, so that you can know the peace that surpasses understanding through the assurance of salvation. That peace mentioned in John 14:27, “I am leaving you with a gift –peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  Do not be troubled or afraid.”  

Thank you for caring about my dad and loving us through this journey. Matthew 5:4 says, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  We thank God for using you to help provide that comfort.

Today was a gift. An exhausting emotional…gift. Because…our faith tells us that our good-bye is temporary. Dad’s pain is gone. Life won’t be the same without his bigger-than-life personality here walking through the days with us, but…we know, through our faith, that we will once gain be together again…